The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
