I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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