seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
