i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
