Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
