lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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