If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
