We named our party play list daddy issues
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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