Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The adults are the big ones right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
