Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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