Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
