Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
