She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
