Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
