My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
