Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
