I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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