He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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