If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
