guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
