Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
