so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
