Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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