Got a toothbrush?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
