I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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