Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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