i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
