My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
