Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
