The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i think im in europe. pls send help
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
