My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sarcasm needs its own font
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
