Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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