I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girls should come with a carfax report
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Randomize
