im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
