not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
