Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
