You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
