what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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