she was so not down for the gang bang
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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