After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
