1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
