just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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