Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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