what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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