ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
