Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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