my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
