No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
