I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
