Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
