I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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