he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
