You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
