I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
